Why I have a Diary !!!??
I have written few notes in few years on Facebook. I often write about how I feel, because sometimes I feel it might help someone in need someday or some situation in his or her lives. I am not god, just a person who thinks sometimes. I believe in this lifetime you should be able to say what you want and live the way you want to. Life is short and it is yours to live. Who are we to judge anyone, we should mind our own business.
Today after a long time I wrote in my diary. Yes, I have always had a diary. When I was younger it was so kiddish. I talked about everyday life and what I did. As I grew older, diary time reduced but it became more about life in general or experiences. In past few years maybe once, or twice I wrote. Now I only write if something major happens or I am in mood to think.
I feel like with today’s bombardment of Internet, media. Overload of communication, simple things like diary are lost. But imagine, if you could type your frustration, happiness, sadness in a diary it will relieve so much of our burden. Today people have so much sadness, and no one has time. Thinking is good once in a while, but overthinking and over-analyzing is also not as effective.
But if you could just turn your thoughts into paper, you will be relieved and believe me it works.
Today, I thought about two things that cause suffering, Desire and Expectations. We always are saddened by the fact that we did not get this or that and then we suffer. We also suffer because when we whole heartedly do something for someone, partner or friend, help them out, go out of our way, but in return if that does not happen to us, we become sad. But really our expectation caused us misery. How is it others fault, it is our desire, and our expectation. That person did not ask for it, we willingly gave or felt, but does not mean, they feel the same, or they show concern or love the same way. They might see things differently. Their journey, thinking is different from ours, we expect, so we suffer. Each person has their own journey and their own thought. We cannot change anyone else or his or her thinking, expect ours. The other person might have not even realized or phantom that we expected something or that we were disappointed because they did not deliver or do what we wanted them too. So if we expect less, this would solve so many problems in all kinds of relationships.
I have been guilty of it too and have expected. But as time went by in my life, after I was disappointed with small things over time, For example: maybe a vacation being planned or not happening, I realized I was either sad or unhappy, which is suffering and wasting time in your life. Which I brought upon myself, because I desired it, felt it and did not get it. So overtime, I stopped expecting and I was always happy, with or without getting what I wanted. Not to say, I still don’t fall in the trap, but once I realize it, I do my best to get out of it.
When I actually get something people around me are very excited, they ask me don’t you feel it, aren’t you excited. I usually don’t feel much or am that excited, I guess because until something happens, I don’t even believe it. In a way it could be sad being this way. But on second thought, maybe not. Because ultimately, when you have had time to think, it grows on you. It dawns on you slowly, just like falling in love happens with passing days, time & moments, it grows on you (you don’t even realize it, & it happens), learning a language takes time, we grow up with family member, learning takes years, (and of course we learn each day), in the same way, is it not better with time we grow to love the achievement or that happiness, when we have a moment to appreciate what we have.
So I guess lesson in my life is to treasure what you have, and be thankful. We should surround ourselves with people who encourage us, uplift us. To expect is to cause suffering so best not to expect and blame others. Their journey is there’s and ours is ours. We must learn to forget the past, and live for the present, forgive, forget and move on. People who care for us will always love us with our flaws or goodness and will stay. Live, Life, love and Smile. Don’t take life to seriously, it is too short, so live and let live.
Also I have been lucky to have people in my life who have been helpful in my journey, and you know whom you are. I have been lucky to have friends and family, who have held my hand when tears rolled down my eyes and not been judgmental and been supportive. I am also thankful for my fans in my other Facebook account, because they encourage me. Even though I know I am nothing (as they think I am), I am thankful, because they give me courage to make a fool out of myself in my auditions, courage to act, because deep down inside I am a very shy and reserved person. Even though life experiences have made me confident and stronger, I believe everyone needs words of encouragement now and then, to believe it is worth it all. We all look for some positive words, and we all need it, that is what makes us humans.
Each day I pray that I have not hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally. If you are someone who is reading this note, that I hurt either ways, I humbly ask for your forgiveness, as that was never my intention.
I am thankful with Amma’s shinning light and grace, I have been able to pass my hurdles and challenges. And through her had immense support. These words as so meaningful, as every day I hear someone complain, and someone is sad. If no desire, there is no sadness. Another major problem is ego, which is going to be another note by itself someday. If everyday we are compassionate to one person, or smile at someone who is having a bad day, show some concern, maybe it will give us something to be positive about. If we are content with what we have, and appreciate it, instead of thinking grass is greener on the other side, which might be just our thought, because really grass is greener, when you believe it is greener, it is never on the other or any side. Challenges are on every side. No world is perfect, it is what we believe is perfect, is perfect. In world of misery, if we can be peaceful, Compassionate, be thoughtful of other person we could make this world a better place.
And why I keep a diary because it helps, it has helped me over the years, to shed my tears, share my joys, share my intimate thoughts, when I had no one to share it with, or of choice, just because I wanted to have that moment to myself. It lightened my heart and soul. Thank you diary for being there for me…J
Peace out. Peace.
Thank you in advance to those who read this note and leave your thought if you want.